Being A Sibling to the Disabled

We've heard of experience stories from parents of the deaf, children of deaf adults (CODAs) & educator for the deaf. However, there's not many experience stories shared by sibling of the deaf. I'm still trying to figure it out too & sharing bits of my own personal experiences here.

I was six years old when my sister Daphne was born deaf. When my sister was 2-3 years old, my brother & I were brought to YMCA Brickfields to attend a 1 hour sign language crash course where we learned to sign alphabets & numbers. Later in the day, Dad came & told both of us "You cannot talk to Mei Mei (our sister), she can't understand you. Now, both of you must learn sign language to communicate with her". Still blurred on the reason he said so, I obliged. Naturally, our whole family accept Daphne's deafness & learnt sign language thru daily communication and participation in deaf-related activities organized by YMCA.



Group photo with some of the deaf kids in Kuala Selangor, I think

Group photo in Penang, one of many YMCA-organized family trips

There's a Malay saying "Kalau hendak melentur buluh, biarlah dari rebungnya" which means "It's better to bend a willow when it was young". This is one proverb which makes me felt passionate when helping to train the youths when I was leading a Mahikari Youth (Tai) group then. Being single, I may not be qualified to say this but a kid must be properly taught the basics of life when he/she is young. The youth spiritual & mental foundation must be strengthen while they're young & this also applies to the sibling of the deaf & even to other people with different disabilities. The sibling of the disabled must be taught by the parents to learn to accept the disabled & live with it. This is one important area I felt, was neglected by some parents of the disabled. Otherwise, when the parents are no longer around, who will be next person willing to take care of the disabled person, say a Down Syndrome person?

When I say a kid accepting his/her sibling's disabilities, it means accepting it with open heart and willing to make the sibling's disabilities a part of family life. You can really see their level of acceptance towards their disabled sibling, judging from their body language & behaviours. Is the kid willing to learn sign language to communicate with his/her deaf sibling? Is the kid willing to accompany & help out his/her Down syndrome sibling in daily chores? Is the kid willing to tell other friends that he/she has a disabled sibling? I've personally seen some teens did not willingly accept their disabled sibling & given choice, chose to stay away from the disabled sibling as much as possible. It's probably not cool to have a disabled sibling or perhaps it's a burden to have the disabled sibling around.

Many parents have the thoughts that they do not need to tell too much to the able kids on issues of having disabled kid in the family & how the able kids should deal with it. My say? Not being diplomatic but it depends on situation really.  Basic explanation given by parents for not giving reasons for way of treating their child is that the child is too young & not matured enough to understand the complexity of the situation. I do felt its okay for parents to be more open. Kids are intelligent nowadays to understand it really. The kids could sense it thru observations & your treatment towards them. Seeing the parents treating the disabled kid better creates jealousy & as a result, resulting in cold treatment towards the disabled kid.

Forging great sibling relationship, especially if one of the siblings (in some cases, there are more than one in a single family unit) is about starting it young. Give all the children (able & disabled) memorable childhood. U can bring the children round the world or buy them the most expensive toy in town, but giving memorable childhood to the kids isn't about providing materials. A child not necessarily will enjoy a great childhood in a rich family. It's about treating all kids (able & disabled) fairly , ensuring them to live in an environment, rich with love & care and getting them enjoying each other company. When the kids have the "siblinghood" in them, you don't need to be worry about them taking care of each other when you're not around anymore.


The Eng's
 



Now, adding a sister-in-law & a brother-in-law (deaf) into the group

 

I had & thoroughly enjoyed my childhood & clearly remember the wonderful moments till today. This is why I'm thankful to my parents for exposing my brother & I to the world of deafness at young age, in order to make us accept our sister's deafness as part of our life. Boy, I can still clearly remember Dad's constant reminding words to us, on accepting our deaf sister till today. Not bragging but I have no qualms on telling others that I have a deaf sister. In fact, this was made part of the topics discussed when dating..:P

Journey Into A Deaf World

This is my first post about my journey into the world of disabilities, specifically the deaf world. It's a wonder really why I never write a single post on this before this, considering me having a deaf sister (and now, a deaf brother-in-law as well) and my long involvement with the deaf-related activities. Probably inspired after the recent assignment as interpreter in the Deaf Moolah function after a long lapse from being an interpreter besides wanting to educate more people about deafness.

Thanks to my parents, both my brother and I, together with our sister of course, were made to participate in the deaf-related activities the moment we knew we had a deaf sister. We went for day-trip outings, charity events, sports events, family support group trips & others. Hence, brother and I learned sign language by interacting with the other deaf teenagers. And with other deafs like Jessica, Kevin, Jimmy, Esther, Mian Wai & others, we grew up & learned together, by participating in these activities. And these wonderful memories are still certified fresh in my mind till today.

When I graduated, I got enrolled into sign language classes in YMCA Brickfields while looking for a job. Got a Level 2 certificate & had many opportunities to be a volunteer interpreter in many events. OK, some of it are actually paid assignments & most of the time, being an unofficial interpreter for my sister too in activities such as family events etc. When I said being an interpreter for the deaf, this means me being a listener to a hearing speaker & translate it thru sign language to the deaf. It is thru these assignments too that I was exposed to the deaf culture & also to see for myself the level of awareness of the general public towards the deaf, which sadly still lacking today. Today post will be starting of those posts which I will provide some information of the deaf-related issues to all.

With other hearing interpreters in Deaf Moolah, a financial event catered for the deaf

It is this one event which touched me till today on being passionate of being a volunteer. I was assigned to be a volunteer interpreter for this deaf child participating in a Girl Scout gathering held in Brickfields some 10 years ago. I was prepared then, thinking it was a simple task interpreting for a 12 years old deaf child, which I don't need to scratch my head too much to sign those complicated words/phrases. Little that I realized later that this girl, Sharmila was diagnosed with a rare disease which caused her to be deaf & had a deteriorating visibility (which will cause her to go blind eventually). One look at a deaf/half blind 12 years old child, wearing 2 hearing aids & a thick high powered glasses (almost a microscopic powered), my heart just sank there & then. It was a real challenging time, not able to concentrate thinking about her condition, asking myself why she's made to suffer like this at such a young age while dealing with her 2 disabilities at the same time. To sign, I need to hold her hands & did the signing using her hands. To imagine this in a simple way, it's like playing with a giant Barbie doll. Despite of her disabilities, Sharmila seems to be able to accept her disabilities, judging from her behavior of being active & wanting to run & join the activities with other kids.

This serves as an eye-opener for me really, for we should be very grateful for everything that God has given us especially with a healthy mental & physical body. With this, it is our moral responsibilities to show gratitude for what we had by giving back to the society. And it is also explained why it pissed me off whenever I see children/youths today complaining of everything else under the sun but themselves & yet not doing anything about it. Worse still, nowadays you see parents who should be providing the correct education to the children, doing inhumane things like dumping the babies. There's also minor ones like complaining for their children not being clever enough than other people & other ridiculous reasons.