Being A Sibling to the Disabled

We've heard of experience stories from parents of the deaf, children of deaf adults (CODAs) & educator for the deaf. However, there's not many experience stories shared by sibling of the deaf. I'm still trying to figure it out too & sharing bits of my own personal experiences here.

I was six years old when my sister Daphne was born deaf. When my sister was 2-3 years old, my brother & I were brought to YMCA Brickfields to attend a 1 hour sign language crash course where we learned to sign alphabets & numbers. Later in the day, Dad came & told both of us "You cannot talk to Mei Mei (our sister), she can't understand you. Now, both of you must learn sign language to communicate with her". Still blurred on the reason he said so, I obliged. Naturally, our whole family accept Daphne's deafness & learnt sign language thru daily communication and participation in deaf-related activities organized by YMCA.



Group photo with some of the deaf kids in Kuala Selangor, I think

Group photo in Penang, one of many YMCA-organized family trips

There's a Malay saying "Kalau hendak melentur buluh, biarlah dari rebungnya" which means "It's better to bend a willow when it was young". This is one proverb which makes me felt passionate when helping to train the youths when I was leading a Mahikari Youth (Tai) group then. Being single, I may not be qualified to say this but a kid must be properly taught the basics of life when he/she is young. The youth spiritual & mental foundation must be strengthen while they're young & this also applies to the sibling of the deaf & even to other people with different disabilities. The sibling of the disabled must be taught by the parents to learn to accept the disabled & live with it. This is one important area I felt, was neglected by some parents of the disabled. Otherwise, when the parents are no longer around, who will be next person willing to take care of the disabled person, say a Down Syndrome person?

When I say a kid accepting his/her sibling's disabilities, it means accepting it with open heart and willing to make the sibling's disabilities a part of family life. You can really see their level of acceptance towards their disabled sibling, judging from their body language & behaviours. Is the kid willing to learn sign language to communicate with his/her deaf sibling? Is the kid willing to accompany & help out his/her Down syndrome sibling in daily chores? Is the kid willing to tell other friends that he/she has a disabled sibling? I've personally seen some teens did not willingly accept their disabled sibling & given choice, chose to stay away from the disabled sibling as much as possible. It's probably not cool to have a disabled sibling or perhaps it's a burden to have the disabled sibling around.

Many parents have the thoughts that they do not need to tell too much to the able kids on issues of having disabled kid in the family & how the able kids should deal with it. My say? Not being diplomatic but it depends on situation really.  Basic explanation given by parents for not giving reasons for way of treating their child is that the child is too young & not matured enough to understand the complexity of the situation. I do felt its okay for parents to be more open. Kids are intelligent nowadays to understand it really. The kids could sense it thru observations & your treatment towards them. Seeing the parents treating the disabled kid better creates jealousy & as a result, resulting in cold treatment towards the disabled kid.

Forging great sibling relationship, especially if one of the siblings (in some cases, there are more than one in a single family unit) is about starting it young. Give all the children (able & disabled) memorable childhood. U can bring the children round the world or buy them the most expensive toy in town, but giving memorable childhood to the kids isn't about providing materials. A child not necessarily will enjoy a great childhood in a rich family. It's about treating all kids (able & disabled) fairly , ensuring them to live in an environment, rich with love & care and getting them enjoying each other company. When the kids have the "siblinghood" in them, you don't need to be worry about them taking care of each other when you're not around anymore.


The Eng's
 



Now, adding a sister-in-law & a brother-in-law (deaf) into the group

 

I had & thoroughly enjoyed my childhood & clearly remember the wonderful moments till today. This is why I'm thankful to my parents for exposing my brother & I to the world of deafness at young age, in order to make us accept our sister's deafness as part of our life. Boy, I can still clearly remember Dad's constant reminding words to us, on accepting our deaf sister till today. Not bragging but I have no qualms on telling others that I have a deaf sister. In fact, this was made part of the topics discussed when dating..:P